Recommended reading

A few essays and films I return to again and again, and often share with the people I work with. They are not mine — they are the work of others I admire — but they say important things beautifully, and I hope you find as much in them as I have.

Most of the pieces below come from The School of Life, whose writing on emotional life I have long admired. The links will take you to read each one in full on their website. I would encourage you to explore their wider library, too.

On Love & Relationships

Why we are drawn to the people we are drawn to

How We Choose a Partner

The School of Life · Essay

"This one I recommend more than almost any other. It gently dismantles the romantic idea that instinct leads us to the right person, and shows instead how we are often drawn to what is familiar rather than what is good for us. Understanding this can change everything."

Read at The School of Life →

How to Choose a Partner Wisely

The School of Life · Short film

"If you prefer to watch rather than read, this short film covers similar ground in a few thoughtful minutes. A good place to begin."

Watch on YouTube →
On Family & Parents

The long reach of childhood

How a Messed-Up Childhood Affects You in Adulthood

The School of Life · Essay

"A compassionate account of how the imbalances we carry as adults are not innate flaws but understandable responses to what we lived through. There is always a logic, and always a history — and that means there is always the possibility of change."

Read at The School of Life →

On Being Angry with a Parent

The School of Life · Essay

"Anger towards a parent is one of the most difficult emotions to allow ourselves. This piece gives quiet permission to feel it, and includes a letter that many of my clients have found unexpectedly moving."

Read at The School of Life →
On the Value of Talking

Why this kind of work helps

Why Psychotherapy Works

The School of Life · Essay

"If you are wondering whether talking to someone could really make a difference, this is the clearest explanation I know of how and why it does — through bringing the unconscious into the light, through the relationship itself, and through the experience of being properly heard."

Read at The School of Life →
On Solitude & the Inner Life

The treasury that is already within us

On Confinement

The School of Life · Essay

"A beautiful meditation, by way of Pascal and a French writer who 'travelled' around his own bedroom, on the idea that we need not always go elsewhere to find what we are looking for. A consoling read for anyone who feels stuck, isolated, or far from home."

Read at The School of Life →

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