Recommended reading
A few essays and films I return to again and again, and often share with the people I work with. They are not mine — they are the work of others I admire — but they say important things beautifully, and I hope you find as much in them as I have.
Most of the pieces below come from The School of Life, whose writing on emotional life I have long admired. The links will take you to read each one in full on their website. I would encourage you to explore their wider library, too.
Why we are drawn to the people we are drawn to
How We Choose a Partner
The School of Life · Essay"This one I recommend more than almost any other. It gently dismantles the romantic idea that instinct leads us to the right person, and shows instead how we are often drawn to what is familiar rather than what is good for us. Understanding this can change everything."
Read at The School of Life →How to Choose a Partner Wisely
The School of Life · Short film"If you prefer to watch rather than read, this short film covers similar ground in a few thoughtful minutes. A good place to begin."
Watch on YouTube → Going deeper — a book on this theme Relationships "If the essay resonates and you would like to read more in this vein, The School of Life have published a short, beautifully made book that covers the same territory in more depth — from arguments and forgiveness through to the patterns we carry into love. It is one I happily recommend." Find at The School of Life →The long reach of childhood
How a Messed-Up Childhood Affects You in Adulthood
The School of Life · Essay"A compassionate account of how the imbalances we carry as adults are not innate flaws but understandable responses to what we lived through. There is always a logic, and always a history — and that means there is always the possibility of change."
Read at The School of Life →On Being Angry with a Parent
The School of Life · Essay"Anger towards a parent is one of the most difficult emotions to allow ourselves. This piece gives quiet permission to feel it, and includes a letter that many of my clients have found unexpectedly moving."
Read at The School of Life →Why this kind of work helps
Why Psychotherapy Works
The School of Life · Essay"If you are wondering whether talking to someone could really make a difference, this is the clearest explanation I know of how and why it does — through bringing the unconscious into the light, through the relationship itself, and through the experience of being properly heard."
Read at The School of Life → Going deeper — a book on this theme What Is Psychotherapy? "For anyone wanting to go further, The School of Life have a short book called What Is Psychotherapy? which expands on the essay, addresses the most common misgivings people have, and includes case studies showing how the work actually unfolds. A gentle and clarifying read." Find at The School of Life →The treasury that is already within us
On Confinement
The School of Life · Essay"A beautiful meditation, by way of Pascal and a French writer who 'travelled' around his own bedroom, on the idea that we need not always go elsewhere to find what we are looking for. A consoling read for anyone who feels stuck, isolated, or far from home."
Read at The School of Life →Your free first session
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